At a recent speaking engagement, I wandered to the hotel bar the night before my appearance. I've always said you meet the most interesting people at the bar, with or without a favorite adult beverage. People always seem to be more casual, more relaxed, and the conversations flow more freely.
I ordered a drink and, as we all seem to do here in the 21st Century, I took out my phone and started scrolling to catch up on the latest headlines, the "news junky" that I am. OK, fine, so I did also check my Instagram and Facebook pages. Doesn't everyone?
To my right there sat a woman and man whom I recognized as part of my speaking audience the next day. Not that I am prescient to such things, but their lapel badges were a dead giveaway. One of them apparently recognized me from the promotional release about my talk. She introduced herself, introduced her colleague, and I was preparing for some pleasantries and small talk.
The gentleman of the pair had other ideas. "So", he said with a truly purposeful pause, "are you a Democrat or Republican?"
That little voice in the back of my head kicked into gear. "Well", it said with all sarcasm, "THAT didn't take long, now did it?"
I put down my phone, looked at him, smiled and replied, "I'm a Boston Bruins fan. Now you DO like hockey, of course. I mean, what's not to like with the fastest team game in sports? I always wanted to be a pro hockey player, but realized when I was young that I really liked having a full and natural smile." I laughed, the lady laughed, but her friend only managed a smile.
He was, to put it mildly, perplexed.
"Would you rather not talk about what you are?", he said with a grin.
My inner voice: "Don't fall for the trap". The "what you are" was the verbal tip-off.
"Not at all", I replied. "I'm a hockey fan. A purveyor of news and sports. A storyteller. An advocate, hopefully a voice of reason, and in the end I hope we're friends. I'm a man filled with opinions, however I've learned over my time when opinions are best kept to oneself, as our current societal mores sometimes lead to conflict. I'm not about conflict. I'm all about imparting what I hope is sage advice and wisdom to improve your personal and professional image and reputation. To that end, I would rather get to know you better before diving off into such conversations."
"Well", he said while picking up his cocktail from the bar, "I'm a NY Ranger fan, so we have a LOT more important things to discuss!"
Trap avoided.
The three of us shared about 10 minutes of conversation, talked about families, dogs, sports, their career paths, my career path, and on request I gave them a preview of what we would talk about the next day. Drinks over, we shook hands and parted with the requisite trading of business cards and a lot of smiles.
I left the bar about 15 minutes later, heading back to my room and do my final preparation. While waiting for the elevator, the woman of the pair got my attention and pulled me aside. "You know, he always wants to talk politics, and those conversations always seem to go off the rails. I have never seen someone so deftly sidestep what could have been an argument as you did. He had high praise for you, and he not once mentioned your reticence to get into the political conversation. How did you do that?", she asked.
"There is a time for conflict, and there is a time for reasoned and pointed conversation", I replied. "I just met you both, and when it comes to personal and professional experience, I've learned that first foot you plant needs to be a positive one. I have no pre-ordained ideas about you, and would rather get to know you before digging in to what could be a difficult conversation."
"Have you ever seen the movie 'Fight Club?", I asked.
"No", she replied.
"The first rule of 'Fight Club ' is 'you do not talk about 'Fight Club'. The first rule of talking about politics in the workplace is 'you do not talk about politics in the workplace", I answered.
"How do you then propose we have those conversations without getting angry?", she asked.
"Be sure to be in your seat at 11 tomorrow morning", I said. "We'll have an interesting discussion".
Indeed, we did.
About a month later, I received an email from her that read, "I finally saw 'Fight Club'. Well played!"
Oh, and she's started watching hockey. I haven't made her a Bruins fan yet, but I'll keep working on it.
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