As I was watching my blood pressure rise recently at the local “Best Buy” swapping my Android phone for a new IPhone, an interesting tale I will recount one day soon all about retail, technology and frustration bordering on a psychotic break, I found myself at the inevitable “downloading” wait with nothing to do. Well, save for being optically slammed by so many flashing lights and colors I feared being abducted by aliens wearing the latest in ear buds.
Thus began my wandering about the store looking at all the things I could not afford, would never take home if they were slung at me for free, and the current spate of electronic wonders ranging from the toaster that talks, to the immersive virtual reality game that had me posing as Batman and falling off a cliff in search of The Joker.
I did not require medical attention.
As my gaze suddenly became transfixed at the 85” wall TV that beckoned me with a price that was metaphorically tugging at my wallet, I was struck with only one question.
Where did the term “Black Friday” come from?
Yes, I know. Most people would be thinking about where the monthly payments fit in for such a magnificent video time-waster, but the news reporter in me was digging for something of substance to keep me from whipping out whatever credit card they would accept.
Interestingly enough, the first use of the phrase “Black Friday” had nothing at all to do with retail. It had much more to do with criminality.
In 1869, a pair of ruthless and scheming Wall Street financiers, Jim Fisk and Jay Gould, cooked up a plot to get rich at the expense of others with no concern at all whom they would injure in the process.
Why they never became politicians is beyond me.
The pair were well practiced in the fine art of skullduggery and lies, again forcing one to ask about that politician thing. In 1868 they used stock fraud and bribery to keep Cornelius Vanderbilt from taking control of the Erie Railroad, which they owned. When that worked, they decided to try something different.
It was September 20, 1869.
Fisk and Gould started buying up as much gold as they could. For the next few days, they were insatiable in their desire for every piece of gold they could lay their hands on. By Friday, September 24, the price of gold had reached record highs and the scheme was about to pay off. It was more than $30 higher than when President Ulysses S. Grant took office.
See? There’s always a politician in there somewhere.
Grant had become suspicious of a scheme cooked up by Fisk and Gould, involving several players, all seeking to have Grant hold onto government gold that was being used to support paper money value. With that gold off the market, the con artists were free and clear to navigate with their plan. But when President Grant smelled a rat, he ordered $4M in government gold to be sold immediately.
Oh, you rascal.
That cache hit the market, the price of gold went into a tailspin, and on that Friday, the U.S. gold market collapsed. Many investors had taken out loans to purchase their gold, and now, suddenly, they were unable to pay back their loans and lives were ruined.
Interestingly, the cons who started the whole affair skated away from the nightmare, getting out at just the right time. Within 5 years, Gould controlled the Union Pacific Railroad, and later went on to own a controlling share of the Western Union Telegraph Company.
Fisk wasn’t as fortunate. Turns out he was canoodling with a Broadway show girl named Josie Mansfield who also attracted the interest of a fellow financier named Edward Stokes. In 1872, following an argument over money and Josie, Stokes shot Fisk dead.
Again, how were these guys not politicians? All that was missing for Fisk was a working outdoor fountain in Washington, D.C.
The first known reference to retail had a much darker side than just a financial “get rich quick” scheme.
In the 1950’s, police in Philadelphia used the term to describe what happened the day after Thanksgiving when hordes of shoppers and tourists descended upon the city to attend the annual Army-Navy college football game on that Saturday. Cops, and their families, were furious as they couldn’t take the day off and were forced to work extra shifts to deal with the madness. Turns out plenty of those in the city weren’t just there for the sport of football, as many practiced the fine art of shoplifting, which also had the men in blue overwhelmed.
By 1961, “Black Friday” was officially on the books and remained, despite the efforts of city merchants to dispel with the negative connotation and have it named “Big Friday”. That went over about as well as the day Santa Claus attended a winter NFL game in Philadelphia and was pelted with snowballs.
As recently as 1985 there was a good part of America that wasn’t using the phrase, but by the late 80’s those marketing wizards on Madison Avenue caught on, and retailers found a way to use “Black Friday” to their advantage.
Research shows I am certain no financiers and showgirls were harmed in the process.
The day has always stood for a sense of retail madness where allegedly sane and easy-going people are turned into ravenous retail mutants, willing to tear fellow human beings and anything not nailed down asunder in order to score those magnificent “deals” that usually are repeated again around Christmas and in clearance sales come the New Year.
So in honor of Black Friday, here’s my list of the Top 10 most memorable events on this day of sales and silliness. I really tried to keep it down to a Top 5, but I just couldn’t stop laughing.
1. The Flat-Screen Fiasco of 2014
A Walmart in Texas became the stage for a gladiatorial brawl over a $200 flat-screen TV. Customers fought like digital extras in "Lord of the Rings", with one man ripping the TV out of a child’s hands, only for the child’s grandmother to whack him with her purse. The store sold out in minutes, and the remaining crowd angrily demanded rain checks, as if the chaos wasn’t enough humiliation.
2. The Infamous $1 Toaster Stampede
In 2010, a brand-new Walmart promotion offered $1 toasters, and shoppers swarmed the aisles like a zombie apocalypse. A Florida man reportedly scaled a display rack to grab a toaster, causing the entire structure to collapse. He got the toaster, but also a broken arm.
3. The Mattress Marathon
A mattress store in Michigan decided to capitalize on Black Friday by promising “free mattresses to the first 10 customers.” The problem? Only three mattresses were in stock. Riots broke out, with one couple fighting over who saw the mattress first. The store owner claimed it was a “marketing experiment.” Spoiler: it was not successful. We are told Mike Lindell was not in charge.
4. The Television Tug-of-War
In 2018, a Best Buy in California saw two women engage in a literal tug-of-war over a 55-inch TV. When one finally let go, the other tried to roll it out of the store without paying. Security intervened, but not before the TV fell and shattered, leaving everyone empty-handed.
5. The "Free-For-All" Giveaway Gone Wrong
A shoe store in New York promised to throw free pairs of sneakers into a crowd at 6 a.m. Black Friday morning. What ensued was less a shopping spree and more a rugby match. By the end, paramedics had treated over a dozen people for minor injuries, including one man with a sneaker imprint on his face. He later went on to wear the footprint proudly and become a candidate for a Presidential Cabinet position.
6. The Wrong-Store Stampede
In 2012, hundreds of shoppers in Chicago lined up for hours outside what they thought was a Best Buy offering $99 iPads. The problem? It was a furniture store next door. The Best Buy employees watched in bemusement as people stormed the furniture store, which awkwardly offered 10% off recliners.
7. The Taser Tango
In 2013, a Pennsylvania woman brought a taser to a mall for “self-defense.” After a dispute over a discounted video game console turned ugly, she used it on a fellow shopper. Authorities arrived, but she escaped, leaving her shopping cart behind. Inside? A Thanksgiving leftovers container. No word on if she had the correct cranberry sauce.
8. The Live Turkey Promotion
One grocery store in Minnesota thought it would be a brilliant idea to raffle off live turkeys on Black Friday. Shoppers, armed with their discounted blenders, began arguing over who deserved the turkeys. By the end, three turkeys had escaped into the parking lot, causing traffic jams and resulting in one of them being rescued by animal control. The only thing missing was a live radio broadcast featuring Les Nessman reporting on “the humanity” of it all.
9. The Frozen Frenzy
A store in Arizona advertised a buy-one-get-one-free deal on frozen turkeys, leading to customers fighting over freezer access. Employees tried to mediate by throwing turkeys into the crowd, only to create what witnesses called “an indoor food fight.” The store closed early, citing “unforeseen circumstances.” You ever get hit with a frozen turkey? Damn things leave a mark.
10. The Black Friday Wedding Proposal
In 2019, a man decided to propose to his girlfriend in the middle of a packed Target on Black Friday. He knelt in front of a $25 air fryer display and popped the question. She said yes, but the crowd booed, not out of disapproval, but because they were blocking the checkout line. Word has it the couple never asked for a receipt and are still married to this day.
Black Friday is the ultimate mix of comedy and tragedy. It reveals the lengths people will go to save a few dollars and how businesses manipulate consumer psychology to turn ordinary shoppers into bargain-hunting warriors prepared for a battle to the death.
Retailers laugh all the way to the bank, knowing that no matter how chaotic things get, people will be back next year for more. Perhaps the most absurd part of Black Friday isn’t the stories, but the fact that we all willingly participate.We actually enjoy this carnage, probably as some sort of therapy for the stress and nonsense that led up to Thanksgiving in the first place.
As PT Barnum might have said, “There’s a sucker born every minute, and they’re all at Walmart by 4 a.m.”
Bon apetit.
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